Navigating Romantic Relationships as an Autistic Female in Today’s World

While there are numerous testimonials from neurotypical (NT) females dating individuals on the autism spectrum, the reverse perspective—NT males dating autistic females—is often overlooked. This article aims to shed light on the unique experiences and challenges faced in such relationships. As an aromantic, asexual, and autistic individual, I offer a personal perspective on what it is like to be in a romantic relationship with a female who is on the autism spectrum.

The Unveiling of Autism and Asexuality

I didn't out myself as being on the autism spectrum until I was 39 years old, which was in 2006. It was a milestone in my journey towards self-understanding. Similarly, I only discovered my asexuality in 2015, at the age of 48. These realizations were significant, as they allowed me to better comprehend my identity and the challenges I faced in my personal life.

Challenges in Dating and Intimacy

Before these discoveries, I often felt like an outsider, assuming that everyone else fell somewhere in a typical range. Dating was often frustrating for me, as many men seemed to expect me to behave in a way that was not natural for me. For instance, I enjoyed sharing a couch with friends and saying “he’s on my cushion!”—not out of desire but rather as a girl who felt a sense of camaraderie. The physical closeness during dates was also a source of discomfort for me; the need for personal space, along with moments of physical intimacy, such as holding hands, were challenging.

Merits of Being Authentic

While dating can be difficult, embracing authenticity in a relationship is crucial. Personally, I believe that any partner should accept me as I am. It's important for a partner to understand and embrace that I see the world differently from neurotypical individuals. Social cues can sometimes be missed, and not every joke or sarcasm is understood, but being in a relationship means learning to navigate these challenges together. I have sexual desires, but there's more to me than that. I want a partner who respects my differences and remains supportive.

Exploring Interests and Common Ground

Despite the challenges, there are many aspects of my life that can be interesting to a potential partner. For instance, I love reading, writing, and painting. I'm quite a nerd who enjoys superhero movies, Disney films, Harry Potter, Twilight, and the Vampire Diaries. These interests and hobbies can be a great way to find common ground and build a foundation of shared experiences. Mutual respect and understanding can create a nurturing environment for both neurotypical and autistic individuals.

Challenging Misconceptions

One common misconception is the idea of "high functioning" and "low functioning" autism. Each individual on the spectrum has unique strengths and challenges, and these can vary widely. Being autistic is not a measure of high or low functioning; it's a spectrum with its own complex dynamics. It's essential to approach every person with an open mind and a willingness to learn. Each of us has a unique set of problems, but these are not hierarchical in nature. Instead, they are part of a rich tapestry of human experience.

Conclusion

For those navigating relationships with autistic females, it's important to embrace the unique qualities that come with it. Acceptance, understanding, and respect can help build a fulfilling and meaningful partnership. While dating can be challenging, the rewards are significant when both partners are committed to growing together.